#i gotta write it or I'll hate myself forever

[tardis--dreams]

Time to write 20 pages in 2 days

[genericpuff]

Why do you keep fast passing when you hate LO now? (Actual curious question, not meant in a "Stop doing that" way)

Oh I don't FastPass it myself anymore haha I'll FP it when I want to thoroughly review any episodes (ex the midseason finale episodes) but other than that I just readalong with pals who are willing to make that sacrifice and otherwise stick to the free episodes. Makes it into a silly fun time where we read and react together. I stopped regularly FP'ing it after the S2 finale, I don't even have the app on my phone anymore (I do on my iPad tho when I wanna catch up on series I DO like haha)

That said, I know my whole thing is "hating LO" but you gotta understand I fell in love with this comic when it was in its S1 era and while I don't love it anymore, I still wanna see how it ends, even though I know it's not gonna impress me at this point. I'm still invested even if it's not the same way I was before. Following along with LO week by week has been a hell of a ride, and while it's certainly been a bumpy one in a lot of places, there are a lot of things I wouldn't be privy to or be able to write about here if I wasn't following it week by week to some extent (in this case, reading it with pals). A lot of real time context is practically necessary to understanding this comic's downfall, I don't think it would be quite the same if I just let it sit and then caught up to it later. If that makes sense?

Something something "if you wanna play the game then you gotta get on the field" or w/e. I have fun in this fandom but as with any fandom, it means staying up to date on the thing we're talking about to a certain degree. And again, I know my whole thing is hating on it, but I'm not like, legitimately suffering or anything haha I read the new episodes with pals, have a fun time reacting and making jokes/memes/etc., maybe write a post about it if there's something to talk about, then I move on until next week when it starts all over again 😌😂 I'm cherishing these times more than ever because I know they won't last forever (i.e. eventually the comic will end and those fun weekly readalongs will be over, *sigh*)

[varusai]

⭐️Get to know your mutuals⭐️

⭐️ Tagged by @elvenmoans

this took me forever to fill out i kept forgetting it in my drafts. oops😔

⭐️ What's the origin of your blog title?

blog title: ☆ ฅ^•⩊•^ฅ ☆

i was looking at a big ass list of japanese emoticons, don't even remember the specific one i was looking for, but came across this one ฅ^•⩊•^ฅ and???? hello??? its so cute???

i never know what to title my stupid blog so i just put that there because it makes me happy to see her.

⭐️ OTP(s)+ shipnames(s):

i’m on the oc shipping train rn but for regular non oc ships we got

moonsea tyrants (manshoon/ fzoul) - the forgotten realms

gideon/harrow/ianthe (any combo) - the locked tomb

farcille (falin/marcille) - dungeon meshi

durgetash (the dark urge/enver gortash) - bg3 (only default hot white dragonborn durge tho, i don’t care about any of that custom character shit)

scar/lex - AVP (i’m having my annual resurgence of this ancient fixation. it will pass soon)

⭐️ Favourite color:

black, but since a lot of ppl consider this a non answer/cop out, purple. i have a particular soft spot for ultraviolet purple.

⭐️ Song stuck in your head:

Thnks fr th Mmrs - Fall Out Boy

i heard it on the radio yesterday after not hearing it for a long time and now its stuck

⭐️ Weirdest habit/trait:

i think this is more of a question that one would need to direct outward, not self-assign. like i talk to myself and consider that both find and normal what the fuck do i know about what counts as a weird habit lol

⭐️ Hobbies:

mainly playing dnd right now. playing dnd and thinking about The Characters. i also write and draw sometimes. i just never finish anything. I’ve also been reading a lot more this year, which has been nice. and I do/learn math for fun, but idk if that counts as a hobby? i'm gonna count it because i do it often enough.

⭐️ If you work, what's your profession?

i got some chronic conditions during covid and was fucked up and disabled for a while in addition to being really depressed. i'm on meds now and its getting a little better but now the job market is fucked so i don't have a job job rn and i just do gig work and temp jobs when i run out of money. usually admin, tech support, tutoring, or doordash. kinda just depends on what comes up.

⭐️ If you could have any job you wish, what would it be?

tbh i kinda already had my dream job? i was a physicist doing research on planet formation. undergraduate level, but it was a paid position so technically i made it. i do hope to go back to it one day when i'm not mentally and physically fucked up, but considering the state of the world now def doesn't seem like the time. unfortunately.

⭐️ Something you're good at:

befriending cats. i’ve literally never met a cat that didn’t like me. even stray cats. i’d like to think i’m pretty good at art too.

⭐️ Something you hate:

capitalism. i also hate driving, temperatures higher than 80F, and the human head, neck, back, and nervous system. mine specifically.

⭐️ Something you collect:

pens and notebooks/office supplies. which was fine when i was in school/doing research/teaching but after??? i would have ended up in some trouble space wise if i hadn't started playing dnd lol. now i can use my stuff again for my notes/game binder :3

i also collect dnd dice sets✨

⭐️ Something you forget:

i'll forget anything that you can ask me a question about out of nowhere. my brain is never stupider than when i'm put on the spot😔

⭐️ What's your love language:

talk to me about something that i'm obsessed with. especially like fic/character/dnd/oc worldbuilding. and especially if we're working on it together. if you can get to this stage you're prob in for life.

⭐️ Favourite movie/show:

The Thing (1982) is my favorite movie ever i watch it literally all the time.

big shout out to the Alien franchise and LotR tho they're tight runners up.

my fav show fluctuates a lot more, but i gotta say just based on rewatch value How Its Made takes it easily.

⭐️ Favourite food:

panda express orange chicken and chow mein combo with crab rangoons, that exact order

⭐️ Favourite animal:

cats or seals! literally two of the cutest animals to exist.

⭐️ What were you like as a child:

undiagnosed and strange

⭐️ Favourite subject at school:

science! i literally took every science class my small town high school had and was still losing my mind

⭐️ Least favourite subject:

government & economics.

yawnnnn

⭐️ What's your best character trait?

knowledge seeking & creative.

⭐️ What's your worst character trait?

asocial & irritable

⭐️ If you could change any detail of your life right now, what would it be?

add about 3 to 4 more zeros to my bank account balance

⭐️ Tagging: @twilight-alchemist @sunnidaydreamer @voxiferous @sunsetfields @zarnitza @darkeecofreak @shadow-djinni @overcaffeinated-paranoia @roosterzebra @inadvisablyappliedmagic @bi-colored-corn @revasnaslan @a-la-orilla-del-rio @minigenos

i know a lot of y’all already but its still fun lol

[oonajaeadira]

TAG GAME!

Thanks for the tag, @walkingaline!!!

Tagged by: @walkingaline

Name(s): Adira. There are others, but that's what you get.

Pronouns: she/her

Other blogs: I have sideblogs I started for the Pedro boys I write for, all of them starting with @adira-writes - as well as my "I only want to read your stories, not your bullhonky, Adira" blog, @oonajaeadira-writes. And the past project @yearofcreation2023

Zodiac signs: Gemini sun, Pisces moon, Libra rising. It pretty much all tracks.

A book you love: I can't believe I jumped on a hype train, but Jessie Inchauspé's Glucose Method combines basic recipes that even I can cook and understandable scientific theory that leaves wiggle room for individuality. As someone who loves carbs and sugars, I've learned how to eat in a way that makes me crave them way less and I'll be forever thankful for that. Also, lots and lots of pretty food pics.

A musician or band you love: The Beatles. I grew up listening to them and that's why I made the worst mistake of my life a few nights ago and watched the Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band movie. Listen. Listen to me. I love the Bee Gees. And Alice Cooper and Aerosmith are okay by me. Netflix sent me a heads up that it was going to be gone at the end of the month and I've never seen it so I'm like why not. I'll tell you why not, why I should have not-ed, why you should never: It is abominably bad, so much so that I may have actually scarred myself, that I can't stop hearing the songs--but not the songs from the film. I hear the Beatles' versions and yet they are now linked with the insipid, terrible, hamfisted scenes from that film and I hate it. My childhood forever destroyed. You know, there was a moment where the sunk cost fallacy should have worked, a moment when I thought, this is a very bad thing and it isn't getting better and maybe I should just turn it off. But no. I wanted to say I'd seen it and now here we are and I'm really fkn mad I did that to myself. Advice: if your brain is telling you to just stop with a media, stop. And for the love of cheese and crackers, don't ever, EVER watch Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band the movie. Especially if you love the Beatles. Or you want to keep up the pretense that the Bee Gees never did anything wrong. Blech. It's like a lingering aftertaste in my brains. If I could erase memories, it would be this, the Star Wars Christmas Special, and every Tom Cruise film I've ever seen. Except for Legend. Because Tim Curry.

A movie you love: Legend.

A TV series you love: The Monkees.

Who are your celebrity crushes? There's a man named Pedro Pascal, maybe you've heard of him. He's on the cusp of getting huge, just you wait, you're gonna love him. Also: Wunmi Mosaku, Dev Patel, Keanu Reeves, Timothy Olyphant, Rahul Kohli, Gwendoline Christie, Margaret Qualley, Diego Luna, David Harbour.

The gif you use the most: It's gotta be one of these three:

tagging: @honestly-shite @grogusmum @miraclesabound @secretelephanttattoo @unbound-space-trash

[kuai-kuai]

webdev log 2

implemented a gallery. I originally wanted it to be more grid-like but I decided I didn't want to mess too much with that, and I like the simple look anyways. forces you to really take in every shitty drawing.

it features a search function that only works for tags. its purpose is mostly just to search multiple tags, because I couldn't be fucked to add a feature where you could click on multiple tags there at the tags list at the top. it lists out all used tags in the table that stores art so you have an idea of what there all is.

at the bottom there's pagination. it's INSANELY easy to do with this framework I'm using. I was gushing about it to my partner on call!! they made fun of me but that's okay!!!!

anyways, clicking on the date underneath the drawing takes you to a view with the image itself (a kind of "post", if I can call it that) here you can view comments and leave one yourself if you so desire. guests are NOT allowed to reply to existing comments because I'd rather things not get too clogged up. I can't stop anyone if they did an "@{name} {message}" type comment, but I don't think anyone is gonna be chatting it up on my site, so idc. I just want it very minimal, and no nesting beyond one single reply.

of course, you can comment on story chapters too so here's what it looks like for a user (me). of course, if a user (me) posts then it gets automatically approved.

the table that stores comments differentiates story comments and art comments with foreign keys to the primary keys of the the chapter and art tables. it's a little convoluted and I kind of wish I didn't do it this way but it's too damn late isn't it. but honestly it might've been the only way to do it. the problem is just repeating code for both chapter and art views.. making a change to one means I gotta manually make the same change to the other. huge pain..

added user authentication and a really shitty bare bones dashboard for myself to approve/reject comments directly on the site in case someone comes along and wants to be mean to me :( rejecting a comment deletes it OFF my site forever. though I kind of want to be able to keep hate mail so I dunno.. oh, and also a big fat logout button because I have nowhere else to put it.

I'll spare everyone the more technical ramblings.

anyways, I'm hoping to add more things later. these are my plans:

allow users (me) to post stories/art through the site itself instead of doing it manually in the vscode terminal for every. single. story. and drawing. (probably took me 6+ hours total just doing this. I don't know why I did it.) (btw this consists of writing commands to store information via the terminal. also, sql and similar databases don't store things like markup or even line breaks. I had to alter all my stories and put \n every time there was a line break... and you have to escape apostrophes (or quotes, depending on which you use) so every "it's" had to be made into "it\'s" HUGE. PAIN. I didn't do this manually obviously but sifting and plugging my stories into character replacers was so time consuming)

delete comments button.... For my eyes and fingers only

make an About page. I've been avoiding all the fun things and doing just the scary stff

figure out SSH stuff...

clean up the shitty css. I refuse to use tailwind even tho it's trying to force me.. I don't want some sleek polished site I want it look like it's in shambles, because it is

but yeah thanks for reading about my webdev and coding journey. even though using the laravel framework made things a thousand times easier it's still a crazy amount of work. let's say building a site completely from scratch means buying every material and designing the house yourself, and using a website builder like wix is just like buying a pre built home and you're just decorating it. using this framework is like putting together a build-your-own-house kit. you're still building a fucking house.

I feel crazy. it felt like the site was close to breaking several times. been sleep deprived for several days working on this nonstop I think I'm getting a little sick 😵‍💫

going to bed now. it's 9 am.

[aproxm]

you're a big inspiration of mine. if anything ever happened to my body to where i lost the current capacity to draw like i do now (pretty much my only creative outlet), i know from your experience that it would be a tough road to climb back towards creating but it's very much doable, and i would find success like you have if i put in the dedication and work. please keep making things forever.

;_;

i hate sounding like a baby but life is so difficult, even insulated within a first world nation, even with jobs with downtime... this ask was sent in oct 2023 and between then and now i almost went homeless and had my ebt frozen for a spell there. i ended up working with a local org and it took a dozen calls and appointments and drives and deadlines but i did end up getting put in a cool new place and they helped with the initial payments and i even got free utilities now hahaha. i also spent much of this time with mind wracked over trying to get a second job with my first on hiatus--i'm working both now, never had 2 jobs at the same time before but rent's gotta get paid. where was i going with this? life is really difficult. you could say me dealing with my fibro diagnosis, losing my ability temporarily to draw, game, write, work, etc was a mountain with first a slope way downwards, but i got over it (i mean im still disabled but at least i can do things again with minimal pain lol).

but then having my roommate bounce and being faced with wholly supporting myself again was a second mountain, and facing it from the bottom was particularly excruciating. nothing pumps the brakes on managing stress like scrounging the floor of Maslow's pyramid. but i'm past that now, too, and just like with my first climb it required help from several sources before i could become self sufficient again. but i did do it. so if you or a reader ever faces a situation like that, it's not impossible to survive. like you said, dedication and work, but also reaching out, and waiting. it can be a lot of agonizing waiting... and i advise diversifying your creative outlets on that note. it helps me to bounce around different hobbies hahaha. i lost where i was going with this again

i'm still drawing, still making things and trying. i dont think 'success' is quite where i am... i write a chapter a week for 'DWARF IN A HOLE' and i'm up to like 38, and i revise the hell out of it, and i hope that goes somewhere. im working on visual novels plural, revising 'GYNOGENESIS' so the script is less... well it's certainly the result of an unedited 16 day marathon lol. 'STUDIO HOOP' has gained new members for its next project and it's the director's dream so i'm going to do my best to not let her down. i practice DJing often and try to throw fun live shows on twitch but my headset and speakers both fell dead so... well anyway i work on my website 'WWW.APROXM.COM' when i find time and it has a lot of new pages and is a cool archival for very embarrassing past work. but it's cool to see a distance crossed from that--that's the intention anyway. and drawing, i'm still drawing, actually mostly with dollar store ink pens these days--ease of access at work. really just abstract shapes and simple crap like that. let's finish this ask out on some samples

i'll set up a trad blog at some point cuz i dont really want to shit this one up with these--there's dozens, seriously. ok well anyway thanks for the ask and the opportunity to type some things. i'm going for a walk

[systemadministratorclu]

Starters from my own writing (part 6)

Quotes from a few of my own fanfics. Adjust pronouns as needed. Feel free to combine them or send in more than one. Specify muse for multimuse blogs. And this meme you CAN reblog from me. X)

Part 1 here. Part 2 here Part 3 here Part 4 here Part 5 here Part 7 here

"Hold still, ______, I'm almost done!"

"______ said it makes me look like a princess in a storybook. And he's right!"

"______ always looks good. It's me we had to work on."

"We're all here, so let's get this thing started."

"It's not her, ______. I promise, it's not her."

"She's gone for good this time. You and me, we got rid of her together.....now let's get out of here together."

"______, just leave it! There's no time!"

"We have to go......We'll come look for it later, I promise, but we have to go now!"

"No, ______. No, this is NOT your fault, okay? I promise. It's not your fault"

"What's gonna happen to us now, without him? What we gonna do?"

"It's okay. I....I don't want to be alone either, guys. Here, come on."

"Did.....did ______......die?"

"He's probably wishing he could come back right now. He never wanted to leave us, he loved us too much."

"I know he still loves us. He always will. Forever. Just like I do."

"I can't hear his heart anymore."

"He will be dearly missed, though I'm sure no one will miss him as much as you"

"I.....I figured I'd give myself today to get it together"

"I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it's the truth"

"You must take the time that you need to let yourself feel the loss and the pain."

"I have something for you to do that may help you"

"Gods, I miss him so much!"

"You left us too soon, ______."

"I just gotta go get ______, an' I'll be right back. Promise."

"Gods, ______, what were you DOING!?"

"You could have DIED, ______! Do you understand that? We could have lost you!"

"I don't care what you were 'trying' to do! It's what you DID do!"

"This was very, very DANGEROUS, ______, and you're extremely lucky I was there to come and get you!"

"Gods, are you TRYING to get killed? No, don't answer that."

"You don't miss ______ at all!! You're HAPPY he's gone!!"

"I....I wish it was YOU that was gone"

"I HATE YOU!! I HATE YOU!!"

"I don't know if I can do this, ______."

"Take a breath, and just tell me what's wrong."

"You're gonna be okay, ______. It's hard now, but...I know you can do it."

"I miss your smile, your arms around me, the sound of your voice."

"Everything feels.....wrong without you. Off, like something's missing."

"I know how much you're hurting, and I'm so sorry, ______."

"I'm not gone entirely."

"I promised you forever, and one way or another, dammit, I'm going to keep that promise"

"You will always be the best thing that ever happened to me"

"I'm so glad I met you and got to love you"

"I may be gone from the world, but I will NEVER be gone from you"

"I'm always with you......I love you, ______."

"I....I know what you're feeling right now."

"I understand why you did what you did today."

"I'm not the person you need to say this to. I think you know who that person is."

"I don't hate you, ______. I love you."

"I didn't mean it, ______. I didn't mean those things I said."

"I'm sorry I said that, and I'm so sorry I yelled at you."

"I don't know when. But I know we're going to be okay."

"I have a very very important job for you."

"I wish I could still be with you guys"

"I never imagined being without him, y'know?"

"Families don't stop being families just 'cause one of 'em goes away."

"You didn't do anything wrong....and I love you, ______. I love you so much. You're okay, I promise."

"It's okay to cry. I'm here, I've got you. Just let it out."

"I'm sorry......I know this is probably the last place you want to be right now, and I understand that entirely."

"I understand your apprehension."

"I have nothing but respect and love for you, and I'd do anything I can to help you."

"I'm SCARED, okay? I admit it, I'm terrified."

"I see why ______ chose you."

"I know you're having a harder time than you let anyone see"

"I miss you so goddamn much it literally hurts."

"I haven't gone a day without crying....dammit, I'm starting to again."

"Really, ______, did they have to die? I'm sure the message would've gotten through if they'd just disappeared and thought each other died."

[rineedagger]

Some things I've come to terms with about myself.

– I'm an introvert. It is what it is and won't fight it, test it nor find a middle ground any longer.

– Not shy at all though. Just annoyed and anxious when I'm require to peopleying and I'm not in the mood.

– Yes, my face pictures my emotions. If I'm bored, sad, happy, bubbly, angry, scared, tense...you're gonna know.

– I dissociate with such ease, it's ridiculous. And I have a very bad relationship with dissociation. But I've come to accept that's my brain letting me know that there's something that has trigger my most outstanding ability (fleeing). Could be boredom (a huge trigger), maybe values, limits, fear, aggression, emotional overload, etc.

– Definitely not the life of the party. Yes, very smiley and bubbly but not the soul of happiness and joy. People in front tends to mean to remain composed, even if slightly. Neither to talk about how I'll find a way to run away from any social situation. Because, altho I'm a little gremlin with disastrous tendencies, that's only for me to see. (No golden retriever here. A black cat, a racoon, a raven or the crazy type of wolfey? Maybe).

– I'm a scaredy cat yall, I fear breathing. Yet I'm sooo curious about everything...

– Yes, I have love languages and God decided them to be physical touch and acts of service. I usually know when I grow fond for someone because I break my safety bubble frequently and because the moment someone needs anything I feel a sense of duty that goes above anything else in my priority list.

– I'm sooooo lazy. Gosh and I love it. I treasure it like a champ. Hate the vision society have on worth. It is almost like we are what we produce and do all the time and that is why I choose to be a nobody: to do NOTHING. And by that I mean: time for myself, my hobbies, my shit, my tempo, my rules. MY BUBBLE.

– You have to earn my honesty. Period. And there will be shit I won't talk about with anyone. Because the only person who has gained my total authenticity and honesty, is myself lol. So yeah, I'm used to be "out of context" to people.

– My perception of life differs from what's around me at least. I don't feel it that unusual, though. Animals and nature have taught me that the moment you're alive, you're living; however you choose, however you can and however you're allowed. The same goes with how we perceive time, morals and the pursuit of happiness shit.

– MY emotions overwhelm me. I tend to write things like my heart will bleed beyond repair, or this rage will be my forever chains but there is actual truth in it. Ever since THE major event, I blocked my emotions and went autopilot for almost half my life. And now, while life keeps happening, I have to feel everything I repressed. And no, it is not just feeling like shit, it is actually painful, physical, very distressing and constant. So yeah...brain chemistry completely altered.

– I force myself to be completely independent because I truly believe no one will ever care enough. And if there's something my teen self learned is that: the only person there for you, is yourself. And I'm fine with it, I'm not going to fight it any longer.

– And finally but not less important, I think it is pretty evident my underdog feelings. I see myself more alien than human. And the irrational but complete truth that I'm a shameful living unlovable creature. Still, I don't feel it in the dramatic sense, but more like in a "this is what it is, you gotta learn how to move with this on your shoulders, kid. Or you won't make it".

And that's pretty much it. XXX

[callsign-cups]

Firsts.

TW/CW: graphic/detailed depictions of violence, mention of panic attacks, mention of blood, swearing, mention of suffocating

People always claim you never forget them. Parents will always remember their child's first steps. First words. First anything, really. Those moments are supposed to be special, the beginning of something new, a new path.

Firsts.

First time riding a bike, winning a contest, standing on stage. First kisses leading to clumsy make out sessions, first loves, crushes, first pet, first time being confronted with death.

Precious little moments littering one's memory with joy, like fireflies lighting up the fields of blury visions and emotions.

Cups will never forget his first kill. It wasn't something dramatic, nothing magnificent or heroic. It wasn't a massive build up, not a slow burn of tension rising rising rising.

It took a second. That's it. One bloody second. One second forever carved into his very mind. Instead of some joyous light, he build a fucking graveyard.

He was pinched in a corridor. The enemy rounded the corner, went into his range of fire. Cups got the upper hand, saw him first. He shot. He missed.

It should have been fast, quick, merciful. Instead, he missed by several inches. He didn't hit in the head or some other vital area. He hit the fucking throat.

He barely remembers the face of the poor soul, but by god, he'll never forget the horrid sound of choking. He'll never forget the agonizing minute of retching and gasping after he hunched down behind cover. It's engrained in his mind, so deep and dark and sick like puss on a wound marking his soul. Cups froze that day.

July 4th,

Dear friend,

I can't get the sound out of my head. My own throat clenches shut just thinking of it. Think I had a panic attack on the way back too. McEvoy said I might have.

Gods, I hate the thought of choking. If I ever go out, by the heavens, don't let it be like that. I beg whatever unholy entity watches over my soul, don't let it be choking. Burn me by the stakes for all my sins now and evermore, but don't let it be suffocating on anything.

He looked like a Dave. I'll call him Dave. Don't know the poor soul's name. Don't know if I ever want to know, but damn, he looked like a Dave. I can still hear him choke.

First life taken... they always make it seem so bloody heroic and glorious, an easy thing for the cause.

I WAS TERRIFIED! I'm still fucking shaking. No matter how many deep breaths I take, no matter how many times I tell myself it was him or me. I took a life and now I gotta move on like that bloke's mother doesn't fucking gets to hear her son just died. For a cause. What a fucking joke.

But! Deep breaths. This is for her. This for Eeve. By the gods, I've sold my soul. I swear on my life, I will never tell anyone. She will never get to hear what horrors I have seen. I swear to you, friend, I will never have her see this side of life.

July 14th, Year [smudged] - Dave

That night, he tried to draw the guy, gave up half way and described whatever he remembered. Dark brown hair, brown eyes or were they blue? He doesn't quite remember. Cups was honestly too focussed on the gush of crimson spewing into the air like a fountain to catch the color of the other's eyes. Too much red. He could taste the copper on his tongue for hours after.

First times. You truely never forget them. Not in a million lives. He swears, he could recognize that face over a hundred others, if ever shown. He wouldn't be able to deny that sin. That death. That kill.

His second kill wasn't much easier. Neither his third.

July 14th, Year [smudged] - Dave

Aug 1st - Eliot

Nov 27th - Teddy

It's a graveyard now, years later. When he holds the book in his hands, his first diary, it feels heavier than his gear. He had written them all down, best he could. Some are just a number and a careless name, because he didn't have time to see who they are. But he did write them down, even those he will never come to regret.

And now? It feels, like they are haunting him. Why else does he hear voices? The tech team said his radio was alright, nothing wrong with it. Even without it, he catches whispers here and there.

He has nightmares again. They never really truely left him, but they have become more frequent. More brutal. More vivid. It's like he actively hears their screams and cries of horror in his dreams, as if their ghosts quietly judge him from the bedside table.

"Cups, mate, you coming?"

He turns to see Woods in the door, worry etched between his brows. Right, he can't really put this off any longer. Time to tell the others about why he had been quiet and distracted recently.

"Coming."

"That's what she said."

Masterlist at bottom of this post

[weatheredlaw]

what i liked about rvb: restoration (spoilers ahead)

okay i've spent a lot of time complaining to some friends today about what i didn't like about restoration, so i'm going to tell all of YOU what i did like, because i don't like to inundate myself with negativity!

Caboose

as a caboose fan, as a caboose girlie, as someone who has written a bunch of caboose fic - i fucking stayed winning last night. burnie keeping caboose knowing how to speak spanish was excellent. caboose was treated so well, he really wasn't the butt of a joke (the bit about epsilon programming in the "shut up caboose" lines was very funny to me, it's peak church and caboose and the fact that they came out and weird times was so so funny)

follow-up caboose point: i LOVE that he's too unpredictable for epsilon, it's truly caboose in a nutshell. and he was treated as capable and able to do things. he was also so GOOD. i'm absolutely not over this and i probably never will be:

caboose deciding to bring back tex because he wanted them to win? flawless. no notes. excellent.

Grimmons

i knew as soon as it was announced that burnie was writing this season that we were not going to get the grimmons ending of our dreams (yes i saw that google drive, yes it haunts me forever) but this isn't about what we didn't get

it's been 21 years since "why are we here" and i loved the shots of the two of them standing together. it always feels right when they're a pair, no matter what's happening.

i'm going to take what i got and write the fix it fic later. simmons gave grif what he always wanted - a way out. he gave him those papers, he said "here, you can leave, no strings attached" and the almost first words out of grif's mouth were: "come with me." it's romance, to me. i'll take it.

willing to go out in a blaze of glory together. say no more.

Sarge

i really wasn't sure if this was going to be a joke or not when it started happening. meta!tucker pulled out his sword and sarge was too close to the door and i said outloud GET AWAY FROM THE DOOR and damn

i know it was SUPER cheesy, but i was a fan of the sarge-grif interaction there at the end. sarge's animosity for grif has always been played up for laughs, but the last few seasons (retconned simulations or not) really strengthened red team. and the chorus trilogy did, too.

man i loved these lines:

(this shot makes me miss donut so bad but this is about what i liked, not what bothered me so please take this shot of sarge and the boys)

also sarge going back for caboose was so so so so good to me. "one of us" - yeah man, caboose is one of your boys. you gotta go BACK for your BOY. and he fucking did. i really wasn't sure if this death was going to stick, it got me pretty hard. (he didn't HERK-BLEH so idk if it counts but)

Tucker/Sigma

META!TUCKER RULES

conceptually, i fucking love this. i think it would have been nicer to get a bit more pre!meta tucker and see what was going on. his absence is handwaved a bit but if i'm able to remove seasons 15-18 from my brain, i'm able to focus more and say yes, ok.

i do have questions, like what was he acting like? did he do anything strange? did he disappear RIGHT away or did he linger and then go? it seems like wash doesn't know, and i think if wash knew tucker was the meta, he'd have been a lot more concerned (the bit at the end with wash and doc and tucker being taken care of was nice)

but i'm OBSESSED with this idea that tucker's stuck in there and he doesn't want to be there. really genuinely i love sigma and how nasty that little shit is. it's interesting that epsilon has the memories, but sigma still knows EXACTLY what the director did to the alpha and, even while it hates him for that, it's completely willing to use that on another person:

and THIS PART:

ugh MY BOY. it was nice to have tucker back, i was sad we had to see him like this and i wish we had more time with this concept, it's very delicious and it's one thing i do LIKE about the later seasons being retconned.

Wash and Doc

okay so i had to go back and watch some of the last episode of season 13 to understand this better, because i hadn't watched season 13 in a REALLY long time. once my memory was jogged i understood what was happening better. to recap, if you're like me and forgot:

wash and carolina were on the evac ship headed towards the reds and blues. after they win their fight post-epsilon death, it seems that the evac goes wrong and wash is injured. in that scuffle, doc dies getting wash to safety. this seems to be a breaking point for wash and doc manifests as a hallucination that Dr. Grey seems to be aware of. she never address that it IS doc, but she (and ADMIRAL FUCKING DONUT OK) are aware wash isn't doing well.

this was something i saw on reddit - doc being dead was foreshadowed pretty well! here's the image from the reddit page:

one shadow! i'm sure a lot of y'all saw this but i was busy thinking wash didn't sound like shannon mccormick (it was him! he just isn't talking about the show online really it seems - i haven't checked his tumblr for a while, but he's p much silent on twitter, i assume he came back after some negotiation because he and RT no longer work together, even before RT was dissolved)

EDIT: upon rewatching this it appears to move WITH doc but i do LIKE the one shadow thing so i'm gonna stick with this

also doc disappears from frame whenever other people are talking. no one ever addresses him, and i assume because he says doc's name while talking about the meta, Dr. Grey is like ah yep he's hallucinating again.

upon first viewing i thought this was a little rushed, and i still believe it was kinda shoved in there at the end, but after sitting with it and doing a little season 13 refresher, i actually really like this and i think it's very bittersweet. wash doing his best to cope with his guilt and thinking about the person who saved him and having them live on like this is incredibly hard, but it also feels incredibly REAL for his specific history and trauma

Other things

carolina coming when wash calls for her

wash BREAKING HIS LEG to call his best friend like dude wtf

simmons still wanting to save tucker, knowing he isn't the one who killed sarge

the work from home security guards. it's funny. it's really funny.

"i hate the future"

sitting around the fire and remembering! i cried! THIS SHOW AND I GREW UP TOGETHER

the trocadero song. it fucking got me.

tex and carolina fighting the meta. just. bad ass.

the framed photo of wash's cat

the AI's bickering in tucker's head. theta saying "he's tired and scared." delta comforting theta.

geoff really delivered grif's lines. they were SO unhinged i loved them.

speaking of VA's - michael malconian! honestly i was so worried when joel was fired that we were going to lose caboose forever. it made me SO sad to think about, but when they started making some PSA's and kind of made some jokes about the voice change (and in restoration!) i was much more hopeful. i really think he did a SUPER good job capturing caboose. my favorite scene in red vs blue is caboose saying goodbye to church in season 15 - and i think my second is now michael's delivery of caboose telling tucker he's already forgiven him if he decides to kill him. he just totally knocked it out of the park.

and just speaking of...him.

there's a lot i wasn't happy with, and i guess i could make a list about that, too. i feel like it's a lot of things y'all probably weren't happy with either, but this is what i DID love. and i think there's some more i'm just not remembering and i think i will come to really love this. someone already said it best imo: it was good enough and that's ok. i grew up with this show, seeing it end was incredibly emotional for me, but it feels right to say goodbye.

bow chicka bye now.

[archivalofsins]

I'm about to be so for real for a second.

So, if anyone is interested in knowing why nothing has gotten done in any timely fashion- Hating myself forever for this by the way if anyone thinks they want to read what I'm writing more than me you're incorrect I really wanna read that shit too sad part is I gotta write it. Either way here's your queue to listen up because I'm only going to explain this in a post once.

And this is the most candid I will ever be about my personal life in an online setting.

Okay quick fire of reasons I haven't gotten shit done in regards to Milgram posts,

The US election results

Family issues

Being accused of two crimes in one year once on this very blog and another time this fucking week over the phone (we're gonna go into this one).

Mental health issues (I'm pretty sure you can tell why.).

Physical health issues.

Honestly anyone is lucky if they hear from me every two weeks. Only people I really care about hear from my ass daily. I'm putting in an effort to show up in a setting I actively despise when I come online. I'm not going to make that harder for me by doing something I don't want to do. If I've messaged anyone and haven't gotten to responding the reasons for that are also in here later on.

Generally though I tend to like in person stuff more than online.

Remember that test I took in October that was like ha this bitch has dysgraphia and also presents with coordination issues. Yeah they also quantified my suicidal/death ideation in that test and it was 94. They quantified family problems- it was 86. These are two highest scores on that psych eval. That's an A and B+ in god's worse running jokes.

Let's talk about it. Starting with suicide ideation it's been like that since I was in elementary that's a consistent thing they also diagnosed me with persistent depression. I'm not blaming it on that. That has nothing to do with this. Those things have both been here for years before this diagnosis. They're fine they can stay.

However they get exacerbated by the second thing. Family problems which were eighty-six. Alright let's be candid I'm the youngest child of my family having five older siblings. I grew up with my sister who is a year older than me. My other siblings are decades older than me. My brother was graduating from school when I was born.

My sister takes issue with me so much so that when I called just to check on her she went into a tangent basically going this is why I don't talk to you and you should apologize for stuff from when you were ten and eleven to me. She even got her significant other involved in this conversation so he could explain to me why he felt she deserved an apology to. Quick fire things of shit my sibling have done to me in no real order.

Threw out my bed. Yeah um I spent most of my adolescent years sleeping on a pullout in the living room (it wasn't always pullout couch sometimes it was a regular couch or the floor) because she needed to have a room of her own in our family two bedroom apartment. Also because her s/o needed a place to stay at a point. So a good chunk of my childhood was friend comes over where's your room you're standing in it- This is the living room. I sleep on that couch what about that other room back there that's my sisters room. Umm??

I have been informed by several people that's weird. That's a unique form of favoritism. After I apologized to her for shit I did when I was in elementary school um she continued to badger over text because I rightfully hung up on her when she did not apologize back. For literally threatening me with homelessness the year before last, tampering with my cell service, assaulting me in my own home last year, recording me and my friend in my living room in the same home while I was constructing a cat tower. Holding that recording over my head as black mail all of this year saying okay I'll send it and you'll see how wrong you were me going okay send it then I'd love to have it then her never sending it.

For anyone thinking got damn not all of that can be true. Isn't it really convenient she never received that recording etcetera. Guess what I've got the texts still! Where she literally sent me screenshots of the video she took of me in my home with time stamps on it. Lol-

This text conversation went on from October 23, 2024 to the 29th. Now heads up I'm going to call her delusional here and I'm going to give context to why this is. Over the course of our call she kept saying I wasn't shoving our father into his door I was trying to get through him. In regards to when she was coming out of his room to harass my friend and I. She changes up her story a lot.

She says that actually she never shoved our father. Our father says this is a lie I know it was a lie my friend who was there knows it was a lie. Because all three of us had to go file a police report on the matter at later date where everyone wrote on paper exactly what fucking occurred. She also yelled at me for an hour because she claimed my friend called her a bitch when she was recording us in my home.

Which would have been my friends right honestly but this was also a fucking lie. Like,

And my friend knew she fucking hit me because my arm was bruised and swollen. So, that's why she said that. This was like a little after our uncle died from cancer which is why I was fucking calling to check on her by the way and she decided to bring up something from over a year ago then stuff from over twenty years ago.

So yeah I called her delusional because she's either that or blatantly lying. Which given she never sent me that video she may just be blatantly lying.

Then before this shit some complete nimrod on here messaged me accusing me of cyberstalking them. Then got upset and lectured me after I blocked them. Like yes I fucking blocked them they accused me of a crime. This first instance of me being accused of a crime this year. It certainly gets better.

This week I got a call from Adult Protective Services who I found out after were over at my apartment when I was out with a friend. Saying hey so I just have to call and make you aware of these allegations and ask for your side of the story real quick. This happened in the middle of me discussing being uncomfortable with my sister coming over with my dad.

This very polite worker informed me that someone had called them alleging that I had committed elder abuse of the physical and financial exploitation variety. I went wow you're timing couldn't be greater I was just discussing my sister with my father and also me finding somewhere else to live post haste. Even if it's outside.

Because I can just go if this is going to keep happening. People will be like you know I'm going to harass this person online about how they talk about a piece of media what's the harm. I shouldn't have to say I'm getting harassed on and offline for people to know what basic human decency is. Some people know who the person that made that allegation online is and the behavior that they partook in to harass me and if you do or think you do good on you. Let's all move on it's not about them it's about me the victim of their inconsiderate bullshit.

If people focused less on vilifying perpetrators and helping victims imagine how many things would be solved by now. People talks a lot of shit about not being like Futa but everyone here likes taking down a bad guy more than they enjoy helping someone who's hurting get back up. That makes you all like Futa in my book in fact it makes you worse than him because he's actually shifted focus to helping others and being their for someone else.

While a good deal of people here are focused more on appearing good than doing anything good. It's all just fake consideration anyway. It's just something done to make an individual feel good in the moment and like they did something with themselves. But nothing has changes except a good deal of people in this fandom has incrementally made my life that was already difficult worse.

Because I'm literally an unpaid caretaker for my own father. I had to leave college to get a job in order to pay my father's rent, I got a credit and credit debt to take care of my dad and fix his junk car that can't run much at all anymore. This is the person this fandom has very consistently harassed for the crime of being critical of their favorite fictional character and talking about something they enjoy in a way some of you don't like.

So, I'm at a point where I have to actively build up energy to write something on this to post because each time. Because each time I think of writing or sharing anything in regards to this it feels like ripping a part of myself out to feed people who wouldn't lift one finger to help me if I was shot right in front of them. Then I think to myself that's no way to be some people are cruel and have wronged you but if you move forward always expecting the worse that's all you'll get.

The only person you can control is you. The only way you can improve your environment is through your own actions no one's going to help and expecting someone to swoop in and save you from all your problems is childish. You're gonna have to do the work yourself even if it's hard, it feels bad, your life isn't that great. It doesn't matter if you're uncomfortable what matters is you get the work done.

Because if it's something you love and want to discuss you should do that. Fuck what anybody else thinks or does. Which is a fine way to feel. That's true I'm not saying those feelings of mine are bullshit. However I am saying I'm tired, annoyed, stressed, feeling completely underappreciated and disrespected.

Because at the end of the day when people do shit like what my sister does or that other person. I'm told this is a two person communication failure you two just need to come together and talk it out. You're feelings are valid but you need to be the bigger person and considerate of the rest of this family or community.

That's not even going into the US election results. People have thought maybe it's burnout maybe you just need to take a brake from this to what? To what actually? Anyone who bothers to read this will have an understand what taking a break from talking about my interests is a break to now. Would anyone be taking a break from the things that bring you a bit of joy in my position?

On top of that my dad just got his tooth pulled and I now have to take care of him after being accused of abusing him. That's my life hey can you sleep on the floor, can you sleep on the couch, can you get out of the way until we need you to do something then when you do something we don't like we're gonna accuse you of a crime. What's that- That's not fair. Well you're feelings are valid but life not fair you really need to get thicker skin.

So, fuck it from my perspective I'm in a damned if I do damned if I don't situation where I don't even feel comfortable posting honestly on my own blog or safe in my own home. So who the fuck cares yeah I'll take that break.

And things will get done when they get done. Possibly when I feel like I'm not under constant scrutiny or will be attacked for just speaking. So yeah that's why.

Now I'm gonna go sit my balcony in the middle of winter.

[jessource]

THE GOOD WITCH BY MAISIE PETERS LYRICS

still argue like my mother and suppress stuff like my dad.

i don't think i wanna get better.

the way i loved you, i will not be embarrassed of that.

you broke me big time.

you give up like a ghost leaving halfway through the band.

i let you butcher my big heart.

you broke my heart and my self-esteem.

came a boy and left a man.

this is armageddon.

i knew loving you was letting you leave.

i am exhausting and you're not in love.

i'm the best thing that almost happened to you.

i stay up, you're sleeping like a lamb.

you're gonna walk into some underground bar.

goodbye from your biggest fan.

i wish i would've seen it sooner.

you got two types: countryn and western.

this is my coming of age.

lost my page when you kissed me.

the love we had was covered in snow.

told her you were just a friend.

was i just an idea you liked?

yeah, i'm sure there was heartbreak.

i saw you and your girlfriend.

i'm dating but dating just for sport.

i am unhinged.

it was endless roads in the same old boots.

loving you was easy, that's why it hurts.

i'm delaing with the heart you broke.

you built me like a promise 'til it broke me like a curse.

we could live off magic and maybe's.

you couldn't have loved a girl any harder than you loved me.

i'll leave you behind, but that don't mean it's easy.

it wasn't real, but it was for me and you know that.

one day, you're gonna wake up.

oh, is she just like me?

i'm throwing you a bone.

still don't play the black keys.

how's it feel to have made me cry?

got the news just last month.

i've pleaded.

i'm not holding my breath.

i wish it was two weeks ago.

you swore that you'd be there for me.

mr i don't want a label.

you're kinda awful, but you're not awful on purpose.

you look better, what the fuck?

i tried to rewrite it, but i can't.

if a man says that he wants you in his life forever, run!

well, fucking sue me, 'cause at least then we could talk.

you took what you took and you left what you left.

i'm kinda busy but like, stay in touch?

i sleep through the night.

if i'm tricky, why'd you kiss me?

has she got a better body than mine?

i know the girl that you want and it scares me.

oh, mr bruce wayne, where is that cape now?

you're laughing like a kid.

i thought i gave you the best of me.

how come you're taking me from your arms?

oh lord, i'm going back to therapy.

if you don't love me, why you'd act it.

what was cheap to you to me was all i had.

maybe you're lost and you just can't see what you have.

i will try forgiveness, but i will not forget.

you couldn't keep what you couldn't tame.

i was good to you.

i still love you.

you still get to me, but i still let you.

you were it for me.

if i'm not careful, i'll wake up and we'll be married.

do you love her?

you're pretty like a girl, till you're vicious like a man.

i beg you, and you don't understand.

i am not allowed to want you any longer.

now we're living the dream and i hope we never wake up.

will you tell me just one more lie?

it's sad and it's true.

we don't speak 'cause it's too tricky.

you touched me, now your touch will last for centuries.

i wish when we went to the beach that day we'd taken more pictures.

bye bye from your girl.

i'm doing better.

i've been lied to.

i can write you out the way i wrote you in.

you said we're like your mom and dad.

i'm the greatest love that you wasted.

you got every single thing you want and i just watch.

i gotta get my act together.

you burnt down easter island as if it wasn't sacred.

i still want you back.

taste my venom.

pretend that it's what you wanted.

i know how your tone works.

you pushed me out quicker than it took me to put my jeans on.

don't you know that you're losing this?

i thought it would be us for life.

but now you're gone, honey, i can't sleep.

you made me little miss unstable.

this song's for you, and it's all we have.

i gave you all of myself.

oh my, what happened here?

yu gave me the world and you gave me your word.

you'll throw your rocks and you'll scream that you hate me.

still flinch at the sound of a door.

i'm on a one way trip to take over the world.

a haunted house nobody lives in.

wow, hey, it's been forever. do you wanna get a drink, like together?

i save you a seat and you say you wanna stand.

of course, you couldn't read me.

i can finally breathe.

what about (name)?

you're just a boy, and i'm kinda the man.

you wanna hear about it?

i can't help thinking that she's got a better body.

everybody pretends that they're great but what if you actually might be?

yeah, i know you did bad, but if one more person says it i might go mad.

the worst way to love somebody is to watch them love somebody else and it work out.

you think i'm alright but i'm actually bloody motherfucking batshit crazy.

take the hand and go with him.

run.

i'm just talking to your memory.

you'll see a pretty little thing catching eyes in the dark and it's me.

i'm not gonna wait, now i know better than that.

she stays up, he's sleeping like a lamb.

i had to let it go.

[littlelav107]

okay but lowkey? 2022 - 2024 me was cooking with her song lyrics!

all of these are kept on my phone. which means this does not even cover the ones I made on my laptop in 2021-2022. I'm TELLING you, past lav was onto something!

-=-

Addiction (May 2022, I only wrote one snippet then got tired of it)

"You're dying Your brain's being squashed to a mush But you don't care If it was an internet dare"

-=-

No Words Will Be Enough P.2 (March 2023, idk why I couldn't just come up with another title)

"Let our voices be heard You shall not speak another word Perfection is a total lie We can't find ourselves anymore"

-=-

Speak Against The World (March 2023)

"We'll rise against the world How the tables turn If they thought we can't speak Let's speak against the world"

-=-

Time Passes On (May 2023, I made this in honor of an unfinished multichapter that me and my friend Carys made) (Carys is her pen name)

"We crashed in life together Before he's lost forever But we have to move along Time doesn't love whoever"

-=-

I'll Miss Those Days (August 2023, getting my feelings about my old school together before I officially moved to PSHS)

"What made us strong was how we were one That's just how we left everyone stunned Clowns are fools, but they move people's hearts Keep going together, and you'll make it far"

-=-

completed rage (September 2023, idk what I was on when I made this, I wasn't even mad at anyone)

"The papers burning endlessly With all my thoughts and memories You're nothing but a candle left to die"

-=-

IMPORTANT NOTE: all the songs marked with October 2023 are after I had a mutual crush on someone and he turned it into a romantic relationship before I even knew it. Like I repeatedly say on this blog, this was probably the start of my aromantic awakening.

-=-

2100s (October 2023)

"Don't need a prince, twenty-second century Don't need somebody willing to save me Far to the future, deep in the past Far into something that would never last"

-=-

Letting Go (October 2023, I wrote this a day before I actually left him)

"I'm falling, dying, letting go And I thought you should know I'm breathing, dying, letting go We'll be better off though"

-=-

Chapter Two (March 2024)

"It's chapter two And it's time for you to choose An adamantine illusion All leads to repetition"

-=-

34th (March 2024, it is worth noting that my mental health was already pretty low at this point in time and another friend, let's call her 7, was also recovering from a breakup and I was the therapist friend)

"I've been a soldier in everyone's army I've fought the battles you'll never fight for me Denial, anger, damn, what have you done? Whose fault is it, is it mine or is it none?"

-=-

pretend (March 2024, I was writing a lot to heal myself)

"Can we pretend that the scars, that the scars on their hands Are not from fighting for this land? Can we pretend what we see is all there is? You're sure as hell we can't"

-=-

and it ends in the end (April 2024, about the swallowed in amatonormativity classmate. and yes, the relationship I sang about here ended two months later)

"It's a pure fantasy, ecstacy, til the mirror breaks And you'll soon realize it was all the same That this love's never real, never a priority When it ends in the end, you can't blame me"

-=-

what they want (April 2024, this version of lav hated amatonormativity before she even had a word for it)

"Gotta be, gotta be Romantic, so obsessively Don't be fed with their lies The heartbreak they put behind them It's not that they're wrong, it's not that you're right But infatuation's a lie And in this world You gotta do anything just to stay alive"

-=-

final chapter (April 2024, I was in such a dark point that I thought this would be the last song I'd write)

"I'm sorry that I took the pen and that I punctured through I'm sorry every page has words I should have said to you You can't say that you really could have saved her She had the pen and she wrote the final chapter"

-=-

You Returned (April 2024)

"He returned to her Like a forest fire waiting to happen He returned to her A flame of love became so destructive"

-=-

Noise (April 2024, is it obvious yet that I was tired of the high school infatuation around me?)

"And it's screaming painfully On love built on nothing but dreams The noise is overwhelming All of you keep screaming 'bout nothing"

-=-

too beautiful to die (April 2024)

"To watch it all fade Like a bird from the sky To watch it all fall As if I never tried"

-=-

Eclipse (April 2024, I swear this is the final one! it's unfinished but it's inspired by zutara)

"Their parallels always arise It's gold and it's blue The fire in you That's melting a heart of ice"

-=-

in oceans so red (August 2024, my latest yet! this is after I found out that the swallowed in amatonormativity batchmate has another girlfriend, now from the new batch)

"Because this love you speak of was never real at all And then I'm gonna have to be the one to catch you in the fall"

-=-

and that's all! if you stuck around, thank you so so much! if you really made it this far, answer in the notes: should i share my laptop song lyrics, notebook poetry lines, or phone poetry lines next? <3

[sergeantnarwhalwrites]

Oc in 15

Thanks for the tag @illarian-rambling!

Rules: Share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using the dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well!

I tag: @the-void-writes @televisionjester @weirdgirlcroix @chayscribbles @vacantgodling (Only if y'all want. Open tag too)

Let's do Peace from Robots & Gardens. (Lol much like the last I will be writing some dialogue now cause my ass hasn't wrote in a hot minute.)

---

1. "Green's not as simple as you're making her out to be. Why else would a 'criminal' for hire help us? And I mean all of us."

"Because she's your friend. Because you fuck her." A fellow protester stated, standing their ground.

"Because she knows we're not wrong."

2. "Thought you weren't running off."

3. "My protestor's can't cover your ass forever, Green," Peace stood now, towering over Green, "So stop doing stupid things, asshole."

4. "Don't remember asking for help."

5. "I think I've got a job for you." Peace grinned, all teeth, all radiance, "If you're willing?"

6. "Of course you'd choose the tallest person to crawl into an abandoned building."

"You're actin' like it's your first time," Green stated with a small chuckle.

Peace couldn't help but to laugh, "I was at least a foot shorter then, ass."

7. "I hate when you lie. Now you're making me do it?"

8. "Can't lie. Think I get tingles making rich people suffer. Look at them panicking."

9. "I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't looking."

10. "Who's the robot dude you were talking to? He seems—"

"Cool? Yeah he's really sweet actually." Digits added cutting her off.

"Like a stiff ass actually. Gotta be a whole tree up there. But I'll believe you."

11. "You make me fucking violent Green."

12. "Patient. Let me take care of it."

13. "Red headed menace speaking. Let me know if I need to get louder. Cause you love not listening to me."

14. "Who said I ever stopped looking? I've got eyes for a reason. If I stare at men getting their limbs ripped off by faulty bots I can treat myself to peak on a hot woman passing by."

15. "Cameras aren't watching. Think you've worked hard enough?"

[grayintogreen]

Did my best to scroll down and make sure I wasn't asking for any you answered already, but for the ask game- 16, 24, 33 and 44? 👀

VERY DIFFICULT I UNDERSTAND. Mindlessly reblogging while I listen to Candela is dangerous.

16. Is there a type of fic you would never write?

Aside from customer/customer service employee which I've never written and never will, there's a lot of stuff I just won't write anymore because I just have zero interest in the subject matter and even HAVING ideas for those sorts of fics (porn I'm talking about porn), the idea is just... Nah fam, not for me anymore. I also hate saying "never" because there's a chance I'll get an idea for some kind of genre subversion, but I'm fairly confident my porn writing days are over.

24. What are some of your favourite tropes?

BREAK. THE. HAUGHTY. Also Badass In Distress. Anything that puts a powerful or competent character in a terrible situation and forces them to have to accept help from people they consider weaker. Protector types having to be protected. If you look at a lot of my multichapter fics (shattered stage, in case you don't live forever, broke the back of the sky, plus litmor and roseverse and also fucking a bridge and not a goal which remains unwritten), most of the inciting incidents are a badass character needing to be rescued but also getting to be super badass. Alongside redemption arcs, it's basically my author trademark.

33. Do you ever read your own fics once they've been posted?

I FUCKING GOTTA. HAVE YOU SEEN THE PLOT THREADS I HAVE TO KEEP UP WITH???

No, but even if i didn't need to reread constantly to refresh myself on things that I've already covered/etc., I love rereading my fics because I wrote them specifically for what I wanted to see. That bitch knows what I like.

42.How do you get over writer's block?

HAVE A GOOD CRY. And also I will read or watch something familiar that I don't have to engage my brain for, but has aesthetics that will stimulate the creative parts of the brain. There's a specific genre of movies (otherwise known as my favorite movies) that are good for that.

FANFIC ASK GAME.

[fainthedcherry]

PARAMORE RELEASED THEIR A24 TRIBUTE COVER TODAY. AND I GOT INSPIRED BY THE LYRICS AND THE VISUALIZER.

IMAGE CREDITS BC VERY OBVIOUSLY THIS IS AN EXPERIMENTAL PIC COLLAGE PIECE PRIMARILY BELOW DESC (I DID NOT TAKE THE COOL PICS OBV.)

OK GIANT CREDIT BLOCK GO (Freepik and pexels my beloved saved my entire college year lmao):

1 OCEAN WAVES

2 OCEAN WAVES AGAIN

3 YES A THIRD OCEAN WAVE

4 VERY COOL DROPLETS

5 FLAME. OO FIRE PRETTYYY /POS

6 BG I CHEATED YOU INTO BELIEVING IS RAIN

The drawing though is made by my acoustic arse /lh

THE LYRICS ARE TAKEN FROM THE VID I LINKED. HAYLEY'S VOICE MY BELOVED AND FOREVER DEAREST ENTIRE BAND /POSPOSPOS. I wanna sing like Hayley so badly, she is such an idol to me, when it comes to vocals and I wish to sing as expressive as her some day 🤧✨💖

--

WHAT MORE CAN I SAY, OTHER THAN I'VE BEEN EXPERIMENTING WITH SHORT DRAWINGS, THAT TAKE UNDER A DAY TO COMPLETE TO FIGURE OUT SOME THINGS I WANNA DO AS AN ARTIST AND POSSIBLY COMMISSIONS. + These drawings genuinely kinda de-stress so it's been free therapy too, oops. I wanna do more of these vector-style drawings, that are just me taking lyrics and creating these fun collages, of things that inspire me or I like. It's a chill practice and lets my creativity actually do the work for once, instead of my usual need to outdo myself in every drawing and improve lmao. Improvement is cool and all, but dear god did I not realise how hard my need for perfection last year stress and strangle me tf out. I seriously need to re-evaluate the way I approach art as this massive, intimidating medium, when most artists literally draw for fun, and for me it's been like...A Sisyphean task.

--

If you enjoyed seeing this, I might make a sequel with C'est Comme Ca and w/ Marco in it instead and a red BG,, if I want to, I might turn these into a series, just like those aesthetic icon drawings I made of my 2 boys, started Lotta, and IMMEDIATELY lost that sketch due to my USB's death back in 2022 and lost all motivation for art due to that massive loss /neg

--

Not sure what else to add here other than my thoughts that I already did!! Other than ofc, the usual, MASSIVE thank you to my friend Hollowed-Hartlocke for introducing me to Paramore back in 2019 <3

Think I'm done rambling now tho!! OH WAIT. I can add, that I had to actually pull out Adobe Illustrator just to add stretched text for aesthetic purposes. Then I got so impatient with the effects panel not showing me the usual layer-effects and me being too lazy to look up, whether InDesign was the one, that had the usual layer effects I use in an Adobe program or not. Btw still mooching off my college acc that shoulda been dead long ago but just isn't??? LMAO I'M STILL GONNA USE IT IF I CAN ALRIGHT.

OH YEAH BTW. This drawing took 3 hours. NO I'M NOT KIDDING. PEOPLE WOULD PROBABLY BE SHOCKED THAT SUCH A LAZY LOOKING PIECE TOOK SO LONG. BUT I GENUINELY AM RATHER SHOOK THAT I TOOK SUCH LITTLE TIME TO CREATE THIS. TBF I threw MOST proportion checks and canvas flips I do out the window, so there's a BIG chance I will hate this, if I flip the canvas xD ANYWAY I RAMBLED LONG ENOUGH I THINK NOW. JUST ENJOY EXPERIMENTAL ART

^Before-bed edit; Yeah his torso's a TAD too much leaning to the left, it's off-center to the rotation of his pelvis to be in fact, but maybe? I'll roll with this mistake. It kinda gives the piece its abstract nature..I kinda like the mistake?? This is the first time in my life I ever tolerated a mistake I did and now declare it on purpose and will probably build one into the next piece as well. Hell, maybe it'll yield an interesting result. Anyway, it's 12PM as I write this, and I have to get up at 4AM for my train soOooo, yeah, gotta sleep ASAP for school.

I have NO clue again what to 100% accurately tag this, so forgive me if the tags are wrong LMAO, I just will believe what I believe it has overlaps w/ within art-genre.

This piece kiiinda gives pop art??? So I'm gonna tag it as such as well, but but might be incorrect. If a pop-art enjoyer wants to correct me, PLEASE DO. I'm going off the definitions of pop-art I learned in high-school. So I could most def be wrong about me adding this tag in particular. How tf do people confidently tag their posts when I doubt almost every tag I add man. Tagging is the worst part of uploading art to me due to how hard it is to label art really, not meant to be in a genre. xD

Def adding Paramore tags tho bc I NEED to know more Paramore fans out there bc we feel like such a tiny community, when they're literally one of the most influential rock bands of the 2000s and 2010s imho AUGH